Is Our Life Validated In The Eyes Of Others?


Since the days of playing on the playground, humans have wanted to belong. To be liked.  Much didn’t change all throughout around schooling.  Especially in high school.  If anything it got worse.

Our sense of wanting to be part of the “in crowd” caused friction with other friends. We were quick to shed our longstanding friendships with others who weren’t deemed to be cool enough.  Yea, it meant that much to us to be a part of the popular crew.

To sacrifice memories and years of loyalty for supposed fame.  I have seen it time and time again. But it all boils down to one word.  Validation.

That’s it. For some reason, we feel that we have to be validated by other people.   You know it because you all have said it like I have many times as a child and young adolescent.  “If they only like me, then everything will be fine.”

Sound familiar?  Well, you were wrong.  And if you are still saying it, you still are.  Sorry, but I have to tell you like it was told to me.  I don’t need anyone’s validation about my self-worth.

Now, I am not talking about ideas.  Or products and other things that you create. That’s different.  I am talking about yourself. Your emotions. How you feel when you look in the mirror.

Sure, we want our significant other to tell us that they love us.  That they can’t live without us.  We want our kids to depend on us and always want us to be around for them.  We want our friends to need us and call on us to strengthen our bond.

But that’s not what I am talking about.  Those are relationships.  They don’t validate your self-worth.  They show only that people want and perhaps need to be around you.  And if they do, then you have done half the job already.

No, I am talking about doing a self-evaluation.  I am talking about getting in tune with your thoughts,   Your feelings better yet.  I need for you to do what we call in the military a deep dive.  

A deep dive in the military is when we look at a mission, a problem, etc and get to the bottom of it. We pull away all the contributing factors and really look at what  we are trying to do.  We use all types of methods to do this, but my favorite is the whiteboard.


We used to use this board to plan out the most elaborate and simple tasks and operations.  I don’t know what it is, but it’s eye-opening when you see something in black and white.  When you can visually see the problem along with a solution it is amazing.

I have three here at home that I use all the time. But if you don’t have one handy, this is what I want you to do.  Take out a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle.  On one side write down everything that you love about yourself.  On the other side write down everything that you want to change.

Don’t think too much about it.  Just write what comes to mind. Hopefully, there are more on the side of things that you want to change.  Seriously.  No matter how highly we think of ourselves, we all have things to work on.

So now that you have your list, start to work on those things each and every day.  To   Not to one day become  perfect, but to continue to progress through life positively. Because ultimately it’s about striving while making progress.  It’s about validating your life on your terms and realizing your true self-worth.

What are you validating in your life today?


16 thoughts on “Is Our Life Validated In The Eyes Of Others?

    • Antonio V. September 14, 2015 / 4:43 am

      Thanks Stephen. Knock it out the park Brother! You got this.


  1. Fabiola September 14, 2015 / 1:17 pm

    That’s a very insightful exercise. I bet you can apply to a variety of situations, like what you like about your blog, and the things you want to change in it. Very useful!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Antonio V. September 14, 2015 / 2:08 pm

      Yes Fabiola. I try and doing this exercise with everything I do that is a major change in my life. 🙂


  2. Heather Serra September 14, 2015 / 2:13 pm

    Listing is a great exercise to visually ‘take stock’ in what it is you’re proud of and what you want to change. When I think of the things I want to change, I get so ambitious, but that quickly changes over to ‘overwhelmed’. It’s more manageable to focus on these things daily and realizing that there is always tomorrow too. I’m sure everyone has already heard the old adage “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!”.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Antonio V. September 14, 2015 / 2:19 pm

      Heather, you are correct. I check each one off but only look at the whiteboard once a week. Or try to at least. 🙂


  3. Jovanhanna K. Tisdale September 14, 2015 / 2:15 pm

    Once I started living for myself and getting in tune with myself, my goals, and my needs that is when I began living and I began to change my life in ways I only imagined. The self-evaluation exercise you mentioned is great. I perform self-evaluations periodically. It helps me see growth, honor my accomplishments, and prepare for change.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Antonio V. September 14, 2015 / 2:21 pm

      That’s great Jovanhanna! Glad to see you are now living and not just existing. :). Thanks for commenting!


  4. Yanique Chambers September 15, 2015 / 12:33 pm

    As always very helpful and inspiring information. Previously I defined my self-worth based on how others perceived me. It’s been such a challenge to shake this nasty habit of seeking validation from others to feel good enough. Sure there are always things about ourselves we can improve on to become our best selves. However, if we don’t accept who we are even when others don’t, life can get quite miserable.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Antonio V. September 15, 2015 / 12:40 pm

      Perfect summation of what I was saying. I think you said it better! But you are right, the need to be validated in the eyes of others is ingrained in our souls. Thanks for reading Yanique! 🙂


  5. Cassandra September 15, 2015 / 5:13 pm

    I’ve been using a whiteboard to help with improving myself for years mainly focusing on my academics. I had no idea it was also used in the military!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Antonio V. September 15, 2015 / 7:41 pm

      We have them everywhere, Cassandra! We use them for everything, too. 🙂


  6. LifestyleswithLia September 15, 2015 / 6:11 pm

    Ah, your post really brought me back to my own school days and that desire to fit in an be part of the popular goup! In fact, those same feelings are carried along with us even into our adult lives in our workplace and at home in our relationships with family and friends! Working on validating ourselves and focusing on our self-worth is a task taller than mountains…Yet I’m determined to climb to the top one day and exclaim, “I AM WORTHY!”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Antonio V. September 15, 2015 / 7:47 pm

      You are so right, Lia. It is indeed a tough task to not look for others, but to look inside ourselves. But I believe it is a journey worth taking!

      Liked by 1 person

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